


The Safest Space

by Juli_HR



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, First fic.. so yayy, Help, I have a problem, Imagination, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, One Shot, Safe Space, The team is pretty shit, but with good ending?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-09-29 20:07:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17210087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juli_HR/pseuds/Juli_HR
Summary: The only place he could be at rest. The only place he didn't have to fake it.If only the choice was that simple at times.Why couldn't he just stay..?





	1. Chapter 1

Lance walked through the empty halls of the castle, hands tucked into his pockets and gaze cast downwards. No one was there to see him anyway, no need for the happy mask. Everyone was doing their thing as usual, Keith and Shiro training their life away, Pidge secure behind her equipment, Hunk in the kitchen like the true chef he is and Coran and Allura god knows where in the castle.

That left him, the odd one out, the seventh wheel. A sigh escaped his lips at the thought, he’d been feeling down more often. Thoughts becoming harsher and genuine feelings becoming scarce. Smiles only forced on around the rest as they belittled, insulted and ultimately forgot him in it all.

He needed a break from it all. Needed his safe space. So he wandered while thoughts continued to rage on. Useless. Unnecessary. Waste of space. Replacement. It became too much. So much that he hadn’t even realized that he came to a halt, closed his eyes tightly, hands in tight fists with nails digging into the skin beneath them.

Slowly he uncurled them and looked up to where he ended up. An empty and seemingly abandoned observation deck, random equipment covered in dust around the room and a large window watching out over space. It looked like Coran’s cleaning didn’t yet touch all the rooms.

With small unsure steps he walked inside to the side and leaned against a wall next to the window. He needed some space, his space, and closed his eyes. His body sank to the ground till he was sitting with his arms crossed over his legs and head tilted against the wall. Lance wanted to cry, let them know he wasn’t okay, but he couldn’t. They wouldn't hear.

Instead, he let his mind wander. To the only place he deemed safe nowadays. He imagined it bit by bit, first a sculpture, different sized metal bands with an arrow through it. Next the grass around its pedestal, green and moving slowly with the wind. Then the bushes and colorful flowers at the sides and a shed in the back, till the entire garden was formed. He sat on a porch as usual, looking over the space he called his own, a place that would only change if his mind did.

The porch looked as it always did, a fence around it with an opening at the left side, directly opposite that the door to inside the house, though he could never open it. A large window framed the space next to the door, though the inside of the house couldn’t be seen. Normally it was pitch black, but now two large eyes stared back at him through the darkness. It didn’t bother him much, it never did when it looked… it probably should.

He sat down and looked at the small details of his space. The small breeze that could be felt, the soft ticking of rain against the roof even though it was as sunny as it could be, the purring of the tabby cat with the bluest of blue eyes that for some reason always found its way around the space. Lance liked it. It made him feel good inside, that at least he could protect something in this world, even if he was just making it up. He wanted to stay here. 

He closed his eyes in his reality, hands resting on his stomach as he breathed out both in the real world, as his own. Relaxing and taking in the calm scent of the world around him with a small smile gracing his lips. Till he felt something change, a cold shiver got sent through his spine.

His eyes opened, expected to be greeted by the well-kept porch as always. But what he got was not that..  
The fence was the first thing he saw, it looked old, paint shriveling and falling off the wood. The sculpture in the garden had fallen into the grass, which was now brown and withered. Bushes to the side now dead with no leaves left on them, it seems the flowers were a mere image now they’re gone. The shed, old abandoned and broken down, just like everything else.

He looked to the now uninhabited house, the door still closed shut but the window was different again. No more giant eyes that stared into his soul, but himself. A reflection of the garden as it was only moments before. Green grass, freshly painted fence and shed, untouched statue, and him.

Behind him, Lance heard the tabby cat meow for him. So he turned as his reflection did the same. The cat wasn’t what it was or what it looked like in the window. Its bluest eyes gone from the sockets, jaw hung down and detached, skin half rotting and slowly fading into bones at the tail and paws.  
He reached out. Hand in his view when he froze. He reached the other up as well and stared at them. They were bones, brown skin slowly fading into yellowed and rotting bones. He didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see himself like that, but he couldn’t look away.

After a while, Lances eyes slowly drifted up to the garden, feeling as numb as he had when he entered. But as his eyes wandered over the wilted grass and dead bushes he saw it. It looked like a black cat but bigger, around the size of a tiger, sitting on the edge of the dead grass. Two tails flicked behind it as glowing red eyes clashed with his blue. A black devils halo floated seemingly above his head.

A sudden urge to look away overcame him as he looked back at the window. The reflection still there and this time, sitting at the edge of the green grass, was a pure white cat, eyes ocean green and silver collar around its neck. Again, a bright yellow halo shone above it.

It nodded at him, as if greeting a long lost friend. Eyes flickering to its counterpart for a second and the turning back. Somewhere in the distance, Lance felt the rotting cat rub against his leg, but he didn’t move, couldn’t move. His world suddenly felt so fragile as it fell in between two sides.

The white cat stood and walked to the reflection of the porch, the black counterpart following the movement till its tails flicked in his vision as it sat down a few feet away from him. Lance stood there, frozen as they both looked at him. And he knew why.

They were waiting for his choice, his decision. Because they couldn’t change his world, not without him letting them. He looked at his counterpart through the window, but it wasn’t him. It was too perfect to be him, porcelain skin, soft hair, glowing eyes, carefree smile. That wasn’t him, not really. It was the him people wanted to see. The version of himself that people expected.

Lance wanted it to be, god he did. But it couldn’t, he knew that… and yet…  
He reached out to choose.

 

“PALADINS GET TO YOU LIONS, WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!”

Lance jolted back as his mind and body immediately rebooted and ran to the hanger, feeling a bit lighter than he had before.


	2. Chapter 2

Time passed, taking weeks at a time. Battle after battle, fight after fight. Ever going without an end in sight. It was poetic in a twisted sort of way, he presumed. A small soft chuckle escaped his lips at the thought. The boy could hearing sighs of disappointment and feeling the pointed stares blaze on his skin as they assumed he was thinking immature things. They weren’t in a meeting or anything, just having dinner. His plate almost entirely full as he didn’t even touch it. Nobody seemed to notice, everything important always seemed to fly past them these days, with only the bad parts coming to their attention.

So he changed, became softer, more to himself, waiting for them to finally see. The team never noticed, always in their clicks, with him the only one left out.

Lance shut up, but the thinking never stopped. Assuming, he mused, it’s such a small and seemingly harmless work but at the same time as destructive as a bomb. That’s what the team was doing to him, assuming he’s just a goofball, assuming he can’t do anything right, assuming he’s not even smart enough to understand them. It stung, but he didn’t resent them for it. They needed someone to lighten their load, and if this was the best way to do it, to be their scapegoat, then he’d play his part.

Even if it killed him in the end.

A soft sigh escaped his lips as he stood up to clean his plate. He noticed Shiro eyeing him, probably to tell him he needed to do better and he wasn’t worth it otherwise. He quickly put his still full dish in the sink and bolted out the room. He could hear Shiro calling out for him in the distance but he knew they wouldn’t come and find him, this wasn’t the first time this happened.

He walked through the hallway, head filled with thoughts and insecurities. He wanted, no needed, rest. A break from being the defender of the universe, away from the team, away from the distrust and assuming. He heard a small dissatisfied grumble in the back of his mind, a snout gently pushing against his conscious. Blue growled softly in his head, uncertainties and what-if’s running past and quickly leaving. He smiled slightly, leave it to his girl to stop them from taking over. He send a wave of appreciation, and looked around where he ended up. He must have been thinking for a while for his girl to step in.

Eyes spotted the familiar set of doors as his smile grew a bit wider. He walked up to the door, put his hand on the panel. The door flew open with a soft sound as he stepped inside. The abandoned observation deck, now his favorite place on the ship and known to only him as far as he knew. The room looked cleaner now, layers upon layers of dust he cleaned off during his frequent visits. A few blankets and cushions laid out against the wall to look like a small nest.

Lance walked to it and sat down, back propped up against one of the pillows and hands moving to tuck a blanket around himself. He thought of the garden, the only place where his rest lied these days, but he couldn’t. He made his choice what felt like ages ago. The garden hasn’t been visited since that time, but that’s not for lack of trying. God knows he tried. Weeks passed with no result with each shot at a visit. He grew restless, heavy bags under his eyes. And still no one noticed.

Blue nudged his conscious again and his eyes fluttered shut. He could see his beautiful lady in his mind and knew what she was thinking. He should try it again. Blue curled up around his conscious, asleep before he even knew it, she’d know when things go bad. He took a deep breath, trusting his guardian, and closed his eyes.

Lance let his mind wandered, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. It took more concentration than before, he couldn’t travel on a whim anymore. He could see the garden slowly begin to for in his mind, the freshly painted porch, the bushed green as can be, rain could be heard in the distance even though the sky was bright without a cloud. But this was different. The feeling, the warm safe feeling, wasn’t there. He stood on the porch looking out over the garden. He didn’t know how long he stood there, he didn’t dare move. Feeling as it would fade if he did, till a creak caught his attention.

The door to the house screeched open slowly, and through it the only thing to be seen was darkness. It called him, almost pulling him through the darkness. And before he knew, he obligated. His legs brought him to the door and almost on instinct he looked back at his garden, somehow he knew he wouldn’t see it again for a long time. He closed his eyes, and stepped through the doorway.

Lance felt his surroundings change, an almost constant feeling that the space around him folded. A chill ran through his bones, fear of where he was, fear of what he would see. He didn’t want to know, he wasn’t ready.

He opened his eyes anyways.

 

Blue. That was the first thing he saw. The deep dark blue of the ocean stretching to the horizon, waves slowly lapping over each other in a gentle way, and meeting it was the sun. Bright yellow surrounded by oranges and blues and reds. A tear streamed over his face, he never thought he’d see it again. He stumbled to it, his suddenly bare feet meeting the sand. It felt good, so good. His eyes were fixed to the horizon when the cold sea surrounded his feet. Varadero beach. Cuba. He was in Cuba. He was home.

Lance knew if he looked back he could see his old house, tucked away between trees and bushes. If you didn’t know what to search for you’d look right passed it. He didn’t turn around though, he wasn’t ready for that yet. So he kept his eyes fixed on the horizon. Memories and moments flashing through is mind. He missed it. The ocean, the fresh water hugging his feet, the salty smell, the feeling of home.

A hand was placed on his shoulder, gentle and lovingly. It didn’t scare him, so he looked at the newcomer besides him, as he did a sob got stuck in the back of his throat. His mother, soft blue eyes filled with love, looking at him. Her long brown hair flowing softly in the wind and glowing in the suns light. A gentle smile on her lips as she looked at her lost son.

Tears were flowing freely from his eyes as he took in her sight after so long. Missing was a word that didn’t describe how much he yearned to see her again, if not all of his family. He wanted to go back home, wanted to leave, wanted to be in the only place where he could be accepted for who he was, not who he played to be. He hastily wiped his tears away and turned back to the now darkening sky, squeezing his eyes shut.

This wasn’t real. His team would be waiting for him when he got back. He could almost feel the glares and disappointed tones cut his skin and mind. He could hear the insults thrown towards him, things he heard on the daily now. He didn’t want to go back there, his real life hell he was forced to live. He was sick of it.

The hand on his shoulder tightened, and another caressed his cheek. He felt his eyes relax and open to look at her. And at that moment, as he looked into the soft eyes of his mother, he realized what he needed to do. He knew he belonged in space, to not only exploring the vastness of it, but also to help the ones living in it. And him staying on this team wasn’t helping any of it.

Lance looked at his mother, the woman who knew where he belonged all those years ago, and in that instant he made his choice. He knew what needed to be done.

He needed to leave.

 

But that didn’t mean he never got to see home again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo people!  
> I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, it's been a rough couple of months.
> 
> Anywayyss I know this story was originally a one-parter but I couldn't help but feel like it just wasn't complete, so here it is! Theres probably gonna be one more part but we'll see.   
> I'm pretty proud of it if I'm being honest.  
> I'll try to update Twisting Times and Missing Places as soon as possible but I can't guarantee anything yet.
> 
> HAVE A NICE DAYYY

**Author's Note:**

> so.. hii  
> This is my first fic so I hope you liked it.  
> It's based off of a thing I do to calm myself down in situations.  
> The different sides happened and I still don't know what that was, but okay.
> 
> Anyhow, have a good day!


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